Saturday, September 18, 2010

The man who liked to torture cats

It was a black day for the Peep, Miss Rudy and LT. First thing this morning the Mommy trapped Peep in the office and Rudy in the bedroom and then brought out the cat carriers. First she rudely shoved Miss Rudy into a carrier (from Rudy's point of view at least). Rudy hollered to Peep, "Save yourself, Peep, she's going to take us to Tibet!"

When the Mommy came into the office Peep was cowering under the desk. She did not want to go to Tibet. She'd heard on television that Tibet was a marvelous country, but Peep's experiences were that it was just a place that had way too many cats and dogs and smelled terrible. Plus, every time she went there she ended up in terrible pain. The nasty man who lived there seemed to enjoy torturing animals, and even worse than that, Mommy let him do it.

Mommy walked into the office saying, "Come on out, Mommy's little girl. You know I love you but we need to go to Tibet.". Peep's answer was not something that can be printed in a family-friendly blog. Suffice it to say that she invited the Mommy to ingest something that wasn't normally considered food. After a brief tussle, Peep ended up in the carrier and Mommy had a few new scratches.

Meanwhile Daddy was trying to convince LT to come to him. Since they were outside it was a totally different proposition. LT had heard Rudy yelling inside and knew exactly what was going on. He considered just blowing town and leaving Peep and Rudy to their fates, but he knew he'd have to go another day, so after a token protest, LT let the Daddy catch him and put him in the carrier.

The drive to Tibet was uneventful, other than Rudy's constant complaints. Mommy carried them into the building and Peep was happy at least that there were no other animals there. The man who liked to torture cats was there unfortunately, and Mommy greeted him like an old friend. They chatted about Mary Land and the Daddy and then Mommy brought all the carriers into a little room. She took the cats out one at a time and the cat torturer pried open their mouths, felt their tummies and pushed something cold into their poo holes. LT thought that was the worst indignity he had to suffer each year on their trip to Tibet. It didn't hurt, but it was rude! Finally the man stuck a very sharp thing into each cat's flank. Poor Rudy got stuck more than the other two, and he also spent a lot of time looking in her mouth.

Mommy carried Rudy and LT's carriers to the car and came back inside for Peep. As they were about to leave, the man told Mommy that Rudy would need to have two teeth pulled. Peep shuddered at that. It sounded quite painful. She'd accidentally pulled out claws from time to time, and it hurt like the dickens. Having teeth pulled would be even worse. Well, she certainly wasn't going to tell Rudy about this.

They returned home, sore and in bad moods. As soon as Mommy opened each carrier, the cat made a beeline for the cat door and then congregated outside.  "I can't believe this," said Rudy.  "I do not understand why I have to get more pokey things than you two.  He stuck me three times with that thing.  My butt hurts, I have a headache, and I'm so mad I could chew nails."  

Peep, with an eye towards conciliation said sadly, "Rudy, I was about to say that I wished the Mommy loved us as much as she loves you.  She protects you from more diseases, and you even got that special potato chip stuck in you so that if you ever get lost someone can send you home to us.  Neither of us are that special, you know."  

Rudy puffed up a little with pride, although it was marred by her wincing from the pain of her headache.  "Yeah, I guess Mommy does love me best.  And it's a computer chip, not a potato chip.  It's so they can scan me, like at the grocery store, but instead of a price, it will say, 'Miss Rudy, Most Beloved Cat'.  

LT made a retching noise.  "Gag me with a spoon, guys.  I'm outa here.  It's time for my post-shot nap out in the woods.  It's not like I think she's going to haul me back to the vet, but I'm not giving them any chance.  ttfn."

All three cats made their ways to their special spots for such dreadful occasions, Rudy and LT to the woods, and Peep to a perch on Carl's truck where she could spot anyone heading for her and take evasive action as needed.  Later that afternoon, Peep was visited by the Yarn Lady, who gave the Peep scratches and rubs for a nice long time and sympathized with her on the her terrible ordeal.  Peep thought to herself, well, at least I'm done for another year.

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