It was the middle of the night, and Miss Rudy wasn't sure what had woken her from a delightful dream about a large piece of fresh halibut. The filet (a full four inches thick) had just dropped out of the sky and landed in front of her, and Rudy was not happy to be missing out on it, even if it was a dream.
"Ahem". Rudy jumped at least six inches and whirled in mid-air to confront whomever had disturbed her. Every inch of her long fur was standing on end and she hissed and spit at the intruder...for about half a second.
A six-inch fairy stood in front of her, or at least what she assumed to be a fairy. It had those gossamery type wings that fairies in pictures have, but it also had a two day growth of beard and a cigar hanging from its mouth. And instead of a gauzy gown (which wouldn't have been at all appropriate) it was wearing a trench coat, baggy grey pants and pointy-toed boots, kind of a cross between a Humphrey Bogart and Columbo fairy.
Rudy landed with a thump and started laughing. "Oh boy. Those last two cat treats must be giving me indigestion nightmares. This cannot be happening."
"What's wrong? You never seen a fairy before?" The voice matched the fairy's appearance, gravelly and with a distinct Brooklyn accent. When Rudy just continued to laugh, the fairy reached over and plucked out one of her whiskers.
"Hey, what was that for? That hurt!" Rudy scrubbed her face with a paw, trying to ease the pain.
"I'm on a tight schedule, cat." As he said this, a chime sounded from his pocket. He reached in and pulled out the smallest smartphone that Rudy had ever seen. He consulted it and said, "Oh boy, I think there's not a cloud anywhere in the northern hemisphere tonight. I HATE wishing star duty. Okay - now what's your wish? I don't promise anything, but we can at least negotiate."
Rudy eyed the grungy fairy and considered what she should say. If this was a dream, she could wish for anything, get it, enjoy the dream. What would be fun.... "Okay. I want to be Queen of the World."
"Try again, sweets. You can't change the past, you can't do anything that would upset the world economy and I can't break the law of conservation of matter. That last means, no matter how much you want to lose weight, I can't do it." The fairy positively leered at her as he said the last.
"Excuse me, but the last thing I want to do is lose weight. I am a perfectly proportioned cat. I'm not fat. I'm fluffy." Rudy struck a regal pose - one worthy of a cat that could be Queen of the World.
"Fine, have it your way, toots. That's what all the dames want. Make me skinny. Give me a little nose. Give me big, well, you get the idea. So whatdja want?" The fairy made a point of consulting his phone to check the time.
What to wish for? Rudy quickly considered and rejected half a dozen ideas. Then she came upon one that might just work. The only problem was that she wouldn't know right away if her wish had been granted. Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. She leaned through the cloud of smoke and spoke softly into the fairy's ear.
"Okay, I think I can do that. Voilà!" With that the fairy waved his hands in an intricate pattern, said something in...fairy...and promptly disappeared.
Rudy looked at the foul smelling cloud and decided that she really had eaten too many cat treats and that this was the strangest dream she'd ever had. She curled up and covered her eyes with her tail, blocking out any further visions of ugly fairies. Boy, she'd have a story to tell Peep in the morning, provided she remembered the dream when she woke up for real.
Drawing courtesy of Mike Ceres - all rights reserved.