Friday, December 16, 2011

Email replies re: how to be a good kitten

_____________________________________________________________________________________
To: clem@catlover.com
From: runa@coldhaus.com
Subject:  Re: How to be a good kitten

Just checking – you do know that I’m a dog, don’t you? 

Runa VonHippleDePip
____________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________
To: clem@catlover.com
From: Tatum@cheerful.com
Subject:  Re: How to be a good kitten

Hi, I talked with Ursula about this, because  I spent most of my kittenhood at the SPCA in a cage.  I had my littermates and sometimes another kitten or two in with me, but I didn’t have much interaction with humans, except when they took care of me or people came to decide not to adopt me (until my beloved Daddy took me home).   The adult cats who lived there said that to get adopted we needed to act as cute and friendly as possible, and never, ever to scratch anyone. 

Ursula was raised by hand by the English Lady, and didn’t know other kittens at all.  Most of her interactions were with Troy (who’s a spaniel) and humans who squeed a lot because she was so tiny and cute.  She says to be a good kitten you should play a lot and not pee on the floors.  
____________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________
To: clem@catlover.com
From: Emmabuddyandkid@kittymail.com
Subject:  Re: How to be a good kitten

Hi Clem!  It’s good to hear from you.  I understand what you’re talking (or writing) about.  I try to be the best cat I can every day to the other animals who live here and to my humans.  Sometimes that means helping someone out, like I did with Kid when Lemuel and his flock were threatened.  I wrote emails and encouraged Kid was she was sad.  Other times it’s stuff like catching mice or bugs that wander into the house.  Humans don’t like those, so as a cat I try to catch them.  Well, except the stink bugs.  They smell really bad, so I don’t catch them because I don’t want to smell like stink bugs for the next several hours.  With Val, when she’s tired or sad I cuddle with her and purr a lot.  It makes her feel good to have a purring cat around.  I think it’s soothing to humans to feel a purr. 

So, I think you should watch out for things to catch and be nice to the yarn lady.  She loves having undercover kitties, so make sure you sleep under the blankets with her sometimes.  I used to do that with her almost every night, and she liked that a lot.  Oh, and if you catch mice, make sure to leave them somewhere really obvious, so they don’t start to decompose.  Although you might like the smell, I guarantee you the yarn lady won’t.

Emma
____________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________
To: clem@catlover.com
From: peepmissrudyandlt@gmail.com
Subject:  Re: How to be a good kitten

Gosh darn, it Clem, you’re a cat.  Just be a cat!  That’s my advice.  People get cats because they want an animal companion that thinks for itself. 

Peep’s advice is very different.  I think it’s silly, but she insists I include it.  When the Mommy left for the first NASA internship, she learned how to help out around the house.  Most of those were horrible failures.  I would NOT recommend that you do the dishes or try to provide meals for the yarn lady.  One thing that Peep does to be a good cat is she dusts corners on the floor.  She slithers under furniture and into corners and comes out covered with dust.  Then she goes outside and shakes it all off.  I don’t think that being an inside cat that would work, though.  There would be nowhere to go to shake the dust off that it wouldn’t still be all over.  You could look for cobwebs, though and clean them off.  Peep also says that keeping your human happy is her main job in the house.  When the Daddy gets blue she meows and purrs and lies on his chest.  It makes him feel a whole lot better.  Oh, and if she ever gets sick, make sure you like next to her a lot.  The extra body heat will help burn out the infection.   It works better when there are lots of cats, but even one cat should help.

LT’s advice is just to do the next right thing, whatever that means.  He says that he doesn’t always know what that is, but he knows what the wrong things are, and he doesn’t do them.  LT’s been alive for a very long time, so he knows what he’s talking about.  He says wrong things are like unrolling the entire roll of toilet paper, shredding the furniture and hurting your human.  Play bites are okay, as long as you don’t break the skin, but no real bites, and no scratching.  Keep your paws velvet.  He says that not doing the wrong things makes it easier for him to realize what the right things are, like head-butting the Daddy when they’re having their breakfast, just to say that he loves him oh so much. 

I’ll ask the other cats at the Cat Club meeting tonight if they have any other ideas and send them to you.  I think you are a good kitten, Clem.  The yarn lady talks about you to the Mommy and Daddy a lot and she loves you very much.  I think you’re her very bestest friend.   If I don’t hear from you again before Christmas, have a Happy and a Merry!

Rudy
____________________________________________________________________________________

1 comment:

evey said...

I love this blog... so funny. All pets should have their own blog.

eveyinorbit via gain blog readers swap