Tuesday, November 15, 2011

A confession from Clementine

To: Tatum@cheerful.com; peepmissrudyandlt@gmail.com; Emmabuddyandkid@kittymail.com; runa@coldhaus.com
From: clem@catlover.com
Subject: I think I made a big boo-boo

I need to confess something to you guys.  I was so upset about Lemuel and his hens’ problem that I did something that may not have been too smart.  I’ve watched the yarn lady use the computer and I’ve learned a lot about searching for information and how to post comments on people’s websites and send messages to folks without using email.  For a little kitten, I’m pretty smart.   So, after I read Emma’s email I got on the computer and wrote about how it was inhumane to kill turkeys the way they do it (do you know they cut off their heads with axes?) just to feed people fancy holiday dinners.  I said that turkey farmers in Monmouth County (which is where Lemuel lives) shouldn’t be allowed to kill turkeys that way, or to kill them at all.  They should pass a law banning turkey killing and do it now, before this Thanksgiving.  Maybe if I’d stopped there, it wouldn’t have been so much of a problem, but I kind of got carried away and wrote something about how people who killed turkeys or those people who didn’t pass laws to keep them from being killed better watch out or they might get killed the same way.  And then I sent it to everyone.  Newspapers, town mayors, the Monmouth County Freeholders, Governor Christie and President Obama.  I was smart and didn’t do it with my email – I used websites where you could copy in a block of text.  When I was done I cleaned everything I did off the computer.  I deleted files, emptied the recycle bin, cleared all the caches and temporary file storage for the browser and the computer and even deleted the cookies, although I dearly love to eat cookies.

I thought that would keep anyone knowing that it came from here, but dozens of policemen came this morning and searched the house for hours and said mean things to the yarn lady.  They had a copy of what I’d written and said they thought she’d made those threats against everyone, including the president.  They couldn’t find anything on the computers, but they took them anyway.  I’m afraid that they’ll have ways of finding stuff I cleaned off, and that the yarn lady will get in a lot of trouble, even though she told them she likes to eat turkey.  It really hurt me when the yarn lady said it was poorly written though.  I thought I did a really good job, but maybe this is a good thing?  She is a really good writer, and wouldn’t send off something like that.  I hope they take that into account.

If they put the yarn lady in jail, can I come and stay with someone?  I hope they don’t, but it doesn’t look good.  They said they weren’t arresting her yet, but would if they found what they expected on her computers.  Oh, I am so in trouble if she finds out what I did.


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