Monday, November 14, 2011

A recap of the Friday Cat Club meeting

Friday night’s Cat Club meeting had been doomed before it even started.  The weather was unseasonably cold, barely getting out of the 40s all day.  And with the clocks turned back, it was dark and dank by the time the cats began to gather.  Rudy’s arthritis from where Grey had stepped on her back legs was acting up, Greymalkin’s obsession with protocol in full spate, Bunny and her crew had fought over who’d gotten the largest dinner portion all the way over and Fuzzy was his usual ornery self.  Only Peep was her usual sweet self. 

LT called the meeting to order, saying that he had a special agenda item to open the meeting.  Greymalkin objected, saying that the previous meeting’s minutes must be reviewed, and then old business covered before new business could be introduced.  She immediately launched into the minutes (verbal of course) of the previous meeting, speaking right over LT, who tried to convince the others that all this protocol was not necessary.  Sensing the possibility of a full-blown cat fight, the others approved the minutes as recited, even though they hadn’t been able to understand a word of what Greymalkin had said. 

LT glared at Greymalkin, but complied and reviewed the old business through gritted teeth.  There was no action to be taken on any of those items, so he proceeded on to new business.

“I’ve been thinking about how the Cat Club is set up.  I have enjoyed being the chairman of the Cat Club, lo these many years…” LT began his speech, but was interrupted at this point by Greymalkin.

“Oh, LT, I think it’s wonderful that you are willing to put your chairmanship up for a vote!  It’s always good to have a change in leadership every now and again.  Fresh ideas, new blood, all that you know.  How noble of you!”  Greymalkin practically gushed this little speech and LT was surprised she didn’t roll around on the ground like a kitten.

LT tried to regain control of the meeting and bring it around to his topic, which was to elect him Czar of the Cat Club, but one after the other, the cats (at least those who didn’t live with LT) agreed that it was a good idea, particularly since the humans had just had their election day. 

When Greymalkin began to describe systems of voting and elections LT broke in.  “Excuse me, but I am the chairman here.  Please let me speak.”  He glared at her, and she sat back, silenced at least for the moment.  He explained that since the Cat Club didn’t function the same way their humans’ government did, that to elect a mayor, governor or even president wouldn’t make much sense.  There was some nodding among the cats, so he continued with his proposition.

“Well, I’ve been thinking, and I think the Cat Club should have a czar.”  He sat back and watched for reactions.

“A car?  Who would drive it?”  Bunny’s hearing wasn’t always the best, and she had misheard LT entirely.  He patiently explained that no, it wasn’t a car; it was a czar, which was something like a king. 

Fuzzy burst out laughing, declaring that it wasn’t Election Day; it was April Fool’s day.  LT glared at him, and luckily no one else laughed.  Peep, ever the peacemaker, said that it would be nice to recognize LT, being the senior cat of the neighborhood, by giving him the title of czar.  LT smiled until she followed that up by saying, “It’s not like he’s going to have any more authority than he does now.  We’re still the Cat Club and we vote on stuff and all have a voice in what we do as a group.” 

Since LT was tired of Bob’s Rules of Order, or whatever they were called, this wasn’t what he wanted to hear.  After he’d brought this up to Rudy and Peep on Election Day he’d thought more about it and had decided that he really would like to be an absolute monarch.  He’d tell everyone what to do, they’d do it.  He turned to Rudy and asked for her opinion, feeling that since she’d been there when he’d originally presented the idea that she’d support him, as Peep had.

“I think the whole thing is a pile of poo.  We don’t need a czar, or a king, or a president or in my opinion even a chairman.  For the Great Cat’s sake, WE ARE CATS!  Cats don’t follow anyone’s orders, whether they come from humans or from other cats.  We do what we want when we want.  Otherwise we’d be DOGS!”  Rudy glared at all of them.  She really was hurting, and sitting on the cold ground listening to this drivel was making her feel even worse.  She could feel the cold seeping into her already sore bones. 

The discussion degenerated into chaos. The male cats - Snoogums, Fuzzy and Mr. Snuggles predictably all agreed with Rudy.  Guys, of any species prefer not to be told what to do.  Of the female cats, Greymalkin felt there needed to be someone in charge, just like there was now with the club having a chairman.  Peep, Ladybug and Bunny were silent.  None of the three particularly liked conflict, and that was all that was happening right now. 

After calling for order six or seven times, LT ran over and hopped to the top step by the back door, in order to be at least at a higher level than the others.  “ORDER!!!!  I propose that we immediately table this discussion, and take it up again next week.  Everyone will then have two minutes to present their position on whether or not we should have any elected cat in charge, and if so, by what title that cat shall be called and his or her duties.  We will then vote on the presented ideas and take it from there.  This meeting is ADJOURNED!”

LT stalked off into the woods, not bothering to say good night to anyone.  The others stared after him, and Peep said softly, “I think it was just a silly idea at first for LT, but I think he really would like to be czar of the Cat Club.  He’s getting older and feeling as though he’s never made his mark upon the world.  What will cats remember him for? His beautiful fur?  I don’t think so.  If he could be czar, then people would remember him as Czar LT, the first Czar of the Cat Club.”  Peep sighed.  “Now we’ve insulted him, and he probably won’t even come inside tonight and it’s so chilly.  Poor LT.” 

The other cats looked at each other, embarrassed that they hadn’t understood how much it meant to LT.  They were all much younger – cats in the prime of their lives.  The group dispersed silently with everyone heading to their own homes thinking deep thoughts. 

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