Cat Tails: When Good Cats Go Bad

After Mary Rose and Jay went to bed on Saturday night, Peep sought out LT and Miss Rudy. "I think the Mommy has finally lost her mind. You should have heard her tonight. She and the yarn lady were watching this stupid show called "When Good Pets Go Bad" and Mommy told the yarn lady that I'm a real troublemaker when I play with my cat toys and that she'd expect almost anything from me. Me! I'm the Peep - meek and mild mannered little black kitty. Last year she thought I was Jenny Lensky and this year she thinks I'm Cujo." Peep plopped down and waited to hear what the others thought.

"Well, the Mommy is under a lot of strain, you know," offered Rudy. "She's finishing her last semester of her degree and is trying to figure out what to do. She wants to get her Mathters degree, but it's so expensive, and with the economy the way it's been going she's really worried."

Rudy was very much Mary Rose's cat, no matter how much she loved Jason, and she'd defend her Mommy no matter what.

"I don't think she's lost her mind either, Peep. You've heard her tell stories about you before. She exaggerates how good you are, and sometimes how bad you are. You are her little Peep, exceptional in all things - good and bad." LT felt his answer was the right one. The Mommy wasn't crazy, and she wasn't under any more strain than any of them, from his point of view. She just liked to stretch the truth when it made for a good story. "And I bet that if the Mommy or the Daddy knew the worst of it, they'd offer us to that show. I bet we've all done things that would land us a spot on the show."

Peep looked doubtful. "I don't know, LT. The things on that show were a bison throwing a man up in a tree, fighting horses, and a man dressed up as Santa Claus being gored by his pet reindeer. I don't think I've ever done anything nearly that bad!" Personally, Peep thought that she was an exceptionally good little cat, who almost never caused any trouble.

LT settled himself down on the rug. "Lets have a little truth-telling session here. I'll tell you both the worst things I've ever done, and then you two do the same. Then we'll vote and decide who would most likely make it onto the show - not that we'll ever do anything about it - but it's cold tonight, and it will give us something to do."

Rudy snuggled in next to him. "Can I go first? I've got a doozy of a story from when I used to live at the barn!" Without waiting to hear what the other said, Rudy started her story.

"Well, it was like this. Granpops didn't let me or Georgie in the house - we were only outdoor cats. That was fine by me, usually. I was raised to be a barn cat, not some foofy house cat. But there was this one day when it was raining really hard and it was cold and windy and I was miserable. Granpops came out to feed Gray and us cats, and the wind was so strong that the door didn't close right when he came outside. I saw that the door was open, and I was cold and miserable, so I ran in the house. I was wet and muddy and probably didn't smell too good, because I had been sleeping with Gray because it was so miserable. I snuck into the house and ran into the living room. I squished myself under the sofa where it was nice and warm and no one would find me. I didn't think about muddy paw prints though. When Granpops came in he followed the paw prints into the living room and he made me come out from under the sofa and he put me back outside. That was pretty bad, right?" Rudy had been so wrapped up in telling her story, that she was surprised to see disdainful looks on LT and Peep's faces.

"Did you scratch him or bite him?" LT asked.

"Not really. I hissed a lot, and I think I scratched him a little by accident when he tossed me out the back door."

"I think that is a good naughty cat story, Rudy, but I don't think it would rate for a When Good Cats Go Bad show." Since Peep had seen the episode, she was the expert.

"Fine, Miss Smarty Pants. You tell us why YOU deserve to be on the show." Rudy huffed a bit, feeling that she'd been put down.

"I think the worst thing I ever did was when I peed in the inside of the box spring in Mommy and Daddy's bed when I was too scared to go outside when Fuzzy was picking on me." Peep was ashamed that she'd done that, but what could she do? Fuzzy had beaten her up every time she put her head out the door. The Mommy had figured it out though, and given her a poo box in the house and everything was okay now.

LT rolled his eyes and Rudy snorted. LT spoke quickly, to head off what he was sure would be a royal put down from Miss Rudy. "Little Peep, you are just too nice a little cat to ever do anything that would warrant putting you on that show. I don't think you'd even make onto a naughty cat show. Even the new man in Tibet thinks you're a sweetheart, and no cat is on his or her best behavior in Tibet."

LT settled himself in some more, and the others could see that he was readying to begin his story. "It all started one day before either of you lived here, and before Daddy met the Mommy. Daddy had gone out, and I was the only person left to guard the house. I heard a car pull into the driveway and go around back by Daddy's garage. I knew it wasn't him, because it didn't sound like his work truck or his little truck. I jumped down off the bed and up into the window so I could see who it was.

"It wasn't anyone I'd ever seen before, and he was acting really nervous. He kept looking over his shoulders and around him, like he was afraid. He came to the back door and fiddled with it and opened it up. I'd run into the kitchen and was under the table. I saw him put something in his pocket and it wasn't a key. It was something like a nail file, long and skinny. He started walking around the house, tossing things around as though he was looking for something. I figured out he was a robber, and decided I needed to do something to protect Daddy's stuff. I climbed up on top of the bookcase in the living room, figuring he'd come in there. He did, and he was stuffing money in his pockets. I guess Daddy had been paid in cash by someone, because it looked like a lot of money.

"I jumped down off the bookcase onto the back of his neck and one shoulder and bit him and scratched him for all I was worth! He tried to pull me off, and lost his balance and fell onto the coffee table. It broke, and he was stuck in it. I kept jumping on him and scratching him and biting him and he couldn't get up. He tried to scramble up again, and I jumped on his back while he was on his hands and knees. He jumped up and fell down again when I bit his shoulder really, really hard. He hit his head against the door onto the deck and knocked himself out cold. While he was unconscious, I pulled all of Daddy's money out of his pockets and hid it under the bed. Finally the man woke up again, and dragged himself out the house and drove away. I got Daddy's money and put it on the kitchen floor so Daddy could find it when he got home. Daddy was so proud of me - I was a bad cat for that robber, but I guess I was a good cat for Daddy."

Peep and Miss Rudy's eyes were wide, and Peep's hair was standing on end. "You were so brave, LT. I would have been so scared, I never could have done something like that."

Rudy, also looking at him with admiration said, "LT, you really did that? I'm so impressed!"

LT looked over at them, grinned and said, "Well, I actually didn't do that, but I tried. A man came to the door and let himself in and I attacked him, thinking he was a robber. I scratched him up really badly, but it turned out to be Daddy's brother, the man who got Daddy to adopt me. I hadn't seen him in so long, I didn't recognize him. I think that day I really was a cat gone bad."

Both Peep and Rudy laughed at him then, and voted that he was the most likely candidate for the show. They'd never harmed a family member, at least intentionally. In the end, they decided that they were just a bunch of softies, and went to sleep.