Peep, our little angel

Peep came running out through the cat door as though she were being chased by dogs. She didn’t even look to see if Fuzzy was around, she was in that much of a hurry.

“Where’s the fire, Peep?” Rudy was lying in her usual spot on the lawn, enjoying the sun and looking beautiful.

“Those monsters in there stuck wings on my back!” Peep shuddered and started grooming herself aggressively. “I hate it when they do things like that. Mommy almost never does things like that unless the yarn lady is around. I’m sure it’s all HER fault. I’m never talking to her again, even if she begs to brush me or wants to pet me for hours on end.”

“Wow, you are mad, Peep. What do you mean, they put wings on your back? I don’t see any wings.”

“Mommy grabbed me and put elastic around my legs that held the wings on and then the yarn lady took PICTURES of me. It’s not bad enough that they torture me, they have to document it on film???” Peep was so angry that she was yelling.

“People are odd that way. They like to take pictures of all sorts of things. Things that look pretty, things that are funny…I wonder which one they thought you were – pretty or funny?”
Sometimes Rudy wasn’t very sensitive, and this was definitely one of those times.

LT came sauntering around the corner. “The yarn lady just took my picture too, but I was just sitting in the Adirondack chair. It’s a good thing she didn’t try to put something on me – I would have scratched her silly.”

The thing was, Peep just wasn’t the kind of cat who would scratch someone over something like this. She’d put up with it, and then be miserable. She might complain to the other cats, but never to the Mommy or Daddy, not that they would understand her anyway. Sometimes for a cat, claws are the only way to say you really don’t like something.

“So what happened, Peep?” asked LT.

“Well, the yarn lady started following me around, but I didn’t want to get picked up, so I kept moving. She sat down on the couch, and I thought I was safe. I jumped up on the coffee table, figuring she just wanted to pet me. She does like me, you know. But then she picked me up, and I fought a little bit, so she put me on the sofa. The Mommy came in holding those horrible wings, and she grabbed me and put them on me and held onto me. They didn’t hurt, but I’m a cat, we don’t WEAR stuff.

“Mommy held me while the yarn lady took my picture a couple of times, and then put me down, and I tried to run away. Mommy grabbed me again, but then let me go again. The yarn lady was trying to get an action picture I think, but I moved to fast. So then I jumped on the floor, but those STUPID wings just felt so bad on my back, and I didn’t know how to get them off, so I just cowered there on the floor, trying to figure out what to do. Then Mommy took pity on me and took the wings off. I ran, believe you me. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you, Peep. Unfortunately, you’re just the cutest little cat. Even the man in Tibet said that. I heard Mommy telling Daddy that the new man there said that you were the sweetest little cat he’d ever seen, and that he wouldn’t stick you with that big, horrible needle.” LT wanted to be reassuring, but wasn’t sure what to say.

“You’re right about the man, LT. He left and came back and told Mommy that he got a tiny little needle because I was a tiny little cat. It didn’t even hurt at all. I hope that man is there instead of Doc next time I go. I like him a lot better. And I am sweet, aren’t I?” Peep was calming down. Somehow LT had said the right thing.

“I was going to come outside and run away for ever, but maybe I won’t. I can’t help it if I’m so little and cute, can I?” Peep struck an exceptionally cute pose and giggled a little.

“Don’t overdo it, Peep. We love you, but cute is as cute does.”

Cats in Space

Rudy sat in the living room admiring the photo of the Mommy in her space suit. She was standing in
front of something that didn’t exactly look like a rocket, but since it was at NASA, it obviously was a rocket. Perhaps Mommy’s project didn’t have to do with turnips after all, since the picture showed her wearing her space suit. Rudy wondered how Mommy liked it in space, and what she did there. Maybe she was working on how to grow turnips in a space suit, or maybe on the moon.

The mommy looked good in her space suit, but the helmet didn’t look very comfortable. How would she be able to smoke in space with that helmet on? Mommy wouldn’t like it if she wasn’t able to smoke. And how would you eat with that helmet on? Maybe she only went up between meals. It wouldn’t be a problem that way.

Rudy was tired, and she fell into a doze while looking at the photograph. Her thoughts became a dream, and in it she, Peep and LT were floating in space. Oddly enough they weren’t wearing space suits, yet they could breathe perfectly. It was difficult to move in space. Rudy flailed her legs but didn’t go anywhere. LT was in motion and he bumped into her and each of them shot off in opposite directions. Peep called to them to come back to her, but they couldn’t.


Rudy started to panic. What could she do? How could she get home? She couldn’t even see the earth from where she was. She twisted her head, and caught a glimpse of it over her shoulder. It seemed so far away.

Rudy found herself moving into a cloud of small to medium sized pebbles and rocks. What were they doing up here? One approached her, and Rudy pushed herself off of it and back towards where she could see Peep in the distance. It was hard to see a black cat against the darkness of space, but there was a cat-shaped darker spot in front of the stars that had to be Peep.

She moved slowly towards Peep and called out for LT, telling him to find a rock and push off it towards the Peep. Two large figures were also moving towards Peep, both wearing space suits. One looked like the picture of the Mommy, but with her helmet on, and the other was tall and skinny. Rudy figured it was probably Daddy. They seemed to be attached to some kind of long rope.
Maybe they could get them back home again.

Mommy reached out and grabbed the Peep, and as Rudy came near, the Daddy grabbed her. LT was moving lazily towards them, his legs flailing out in all directions.

“I hate this. I want to go home NOW!” LT wanted dirt under his feet, and for his body to obey him when he asked it to do something. He’d had enough of space. The Daddy grabbed LT, and Mommy pushed something on her suit, and the ropes started pulling them towards a space ship. This was more like what she thought the Mommy would fly in. There was an open hatch, and the ropes were pulling them towards it.

They entered the hatch and Daddy closed and locked it. There was a loud sound, and air came rushing out of vents and filled the tiny room. When a green light flashed, Mommy and Daddy pulled off their space suits.

“Don’t you three ever do that again! Do you know how much money NASA had to spend to send us up here to rescue you three? It was only because I did such good work for them this summer that they did this for me. Some people just wanted to let you three float off forever. They talked about sending you some communications equipment so you could transmit pictures back, but I was lucky someone realized how important you three were to me!” Mommy was mad, but at the same time she was hugging Peep, ruffling Rudy’s fur and gazing lovingly at LT, who was held by the Daddy.

In a few hours they were back on earth. A super-top-secret plane flew them back home, and deposited them right in their back yard. LT kissed the soil and said he was never leaving again. Peep ran inside to check on the house, and Rudy stood in front of the Mommy and said, “Thank you for coming to get us Mommy. I don’t know how we got there, but I’m glad you came and rescued us from space. I’ll never complain about your turnips again, because your turnips showed you how to come rescue us. I love you, Mommy.”

Photo courtesy of About Women, Fire and Dangerous Things - http://flickr.com/photos/wfdt/303621330/

Olympic hopefuls dreams dashed

The Olympic coverage this past week or so has been a little less comprehensive than I had expected. The sportscasters have highlighted athletes from just about every country and doing almost every sport, but one segment of the coverage has been shamefully lacking. They have not profiled a single cat athlete. Admittedly, few cats actually make the Olympic teams, but that is not for lack of trying.

Cat athletes have a rigid schedule, just the same as human athletes. They are allowed no more than 12 hours per day of sleep, and close to competitions most cats are allowed a mere 9 hours of sleep per day. They are kept on strict diets consisting of tuna, tuna and more tuna – the thought being that it is both food for the brain and the stomach, and what cat wouldn’t do his or her best for tuna every day? The coaches (god forbid, don’t call them trainers) mercilessly beg their athletes to practice for longer periods each day, aiming for a goal of 30 minutes at one time. It is rarely achieved, as cats are not known for their cooperation. As they say, if they were they would be called “dogs”.

I’ve included a few photos of notable cat athletes, with a brief sketch on each of them. No, none made their national teams, but we honor their efforts the same way we honor our human athletes who try but do not win the gold.

Photo courtesy of 1room1key - http://flickr.com/photos/1room1key/810130633/

Jared is a long distance runner – his best length being the 50-yard dash. Although that is not considered distance running for humans, Jared considers this to be quite long enough, and feels that marathon runners must have some sort of disease of the brain, as no self-respecting cat would ever purposely get that worn out. Jared’s training routine is comprised of several sessions per day where he runs from his owner’s back door to the end of a nearby field and back. At this point his owner usually catches him and brings him back inside. The owner is under the mistaken impression that Jared is an indoor cat. Jared made it to regional competitions for the 2008 UK team, but was defeated by several local darts players, who had been convinced to try out for a lark.

Photo courtesy of polandeze - http://flickr.com/photos/polandeze/390314091/

Boris, another UK athlete is a vaulter. His practice routine consists of vaults over a stone wall in the garden. He probably would have made the team, except that his technique consists of hitting the wall low and scrambling up to the top to get over. The judges in the regional competition felt that Boris should have vaulted over with only a touch of the front paws on the top of the wall. Better luck next time, Boris.

Photo courtesy of Chris Breeze - http://flickr.com/photos/92833011@N00/2169852879/

Giada’s sport is the long jump. She excels at long fluid jumps, as can be seen in this photo. This Kentucky born cat’s motivation for her sport is her favorite mouse toy, and in training her jumps increased from a mere 4’ 2” to a cat record of 8’ 11”. Her owner vigorously supported her in her quest to be the best long jump cat ever, throwing her mouse toy time after time, even after he would have rather been sleeping or watching the tube. Giada made it to the finals of the Olympic trials for the US team, but was unfortunately disqualified when it was found out that she was indeed, a cat. It turns out that cats are not allowed to compete in the long jump, as they are thought to have an unfair advantage in this sport, due to their four legs and muscle structure. Giada is considering changing over to an equestrian sport. Being from Kentucky, she thinks she could find a horse friend or two who could teach her to ride.

Photo courtesy of jmglov - http://flickr.com/photos/jmglov/538870057/

Popa is a Japanese cyclist who is seen here on an unmodified bicycle. She began cycling with her owner at a young age, first riding in a basket, and finally pedaling her own modified cycle which allows her to lie on her tummy and pedal with all four paws. The front paws are also used for steering. Her dreams of Olympic glory were dashed when the international Olympic committee ruled that she had to use a standard bicycle, similar to the one seen in this picture. Here she is sitting on the seat trying to figure out if she can somehow work within the Olympic committee’s restraints. She decided, sadly, that she would not be able to master this monster in time for this summer’s games.

Photo courtesy of Ruben Perez - http://flickr.com/photos/rubenperez/2679104188/

Mino is seen here by his pool. He was approached by a local coach to compete for Venezuela’s swim team as a relay swimmer. It was thought that his small stature and quick reflexes would give the team an edge, although it was probably more the thought that the other teams would be so distracted by a swimming cat that they would watch rather than concentrate on their own swimming. Unfortunately, Mino was not able to bring himself to actually get into the water to swim, so he did not actually make it into even local competition.

Photo courtesy of Rooey - http://flickr.com/photos/rooey/1308344974/

Mitty is seen in her last practice in the sport of weight lifting. She was promising, even as a kitten, and was encouraged by her owners and their friends to pursue her beloved sport. Time after time she beat her own personal best, and the press was calling Mitty a shoe-in for the US Olympic team. Unfortunately she began to believe everything the press was saying about her, and she called a press conference to witness her lift the weights shown in this picture. Needless to say, she was not successful in lifting this immense burden, and but recovered in time to watch the Olympics on television, muttering the whole time, “I could have been a contender.”

Photo courtesy of k a t m - http://flickr.com/photos/invis/2764836575/

Flash is shown here in training for the only event in which cats are not put on rigid sleeping schedules, or if they are, the intent is to sleep longer and harder. Flash has been training for the marathon nap competition for the past four years. She has perfected her technique for falling asleep instantly, and can sleep for up to eight hours at a stretch. Her owners have been fairly supportive of her aspirations, although when the local mouse population got out of hand, they put their feet down and told Flash that she needed to catch those mousies. It had been expected that the marathon nap would be approved for exhibition sport status for this year’s Olympics, but unfortunately it was denied that status. Detractors on the international committee were overheard saying things such as “How hard is it to sleep? Anyone can sleep. We don’t need a competition for couch potatoes!” Flash was deeply hurt by the decision of the committee and has retreated to her bed, and anywhere else that she can sleep undisturbed to dream of Olympic Glory.

So, my kudos to those brave cat athletes that tried and to those who thought about trying, and even to those who decided trying would just be too slavish. Tuna for all!